GUESS WHAT THIS VIDEO MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL

hahahaha what

OKAY SO SUPER SUPER SUPER HYPER TODAY

3 cups of coffee will do that to ya

went to my psychiatrist today, she's actually new because my other one is leaving from august to january. Transferring me was a good idea, because she's very good with new medicine and what not.

I have a lot of energy therefore i'm going to go running, swimming, and possibly hiking today.

My thoughts are racing, and I can't control them, i feel very anxious and annoyed.

I'm a little hypomanic but not bad.

I'm going to go donate plasma because i love getting my blood drawn.

I want to talk someone's ear off hahahaha. oops i hope that doesn't happen. I don't want to annoy someone. I already annoyed my little brother and his friends today.

I'm listening to old chris brown, jason derulo and usher songs. oh gosh. who am i.

jam session in the car was definitely a thing on my drive back from salt lake today.

i want someone to come paint with meeeeee. no actually then they'll try to steal my painting like last time.

holy hell my thoughts are so scattered (excuse my language) but i can guarantee one of these days i will make an explicit journal. but don't worry i'll title it explicit so you don't accidentally read it.

my head hurts

okay bye

HAHAHAHA MY LITTLE SISTER MADE MY DAY!!! DARCIE I LOVE YOU <3 muah xoxo hugs and kisses

coco chanelle

gratitude journal

So, I just told everyone on instagram I was bipolar... scary. I mean people can judge if they want but, who cares. I don't really care. I want to be myself and be okay with that.

I'm grateful for my friends who support me and love me no matter who i am or what illness i have. Even though it's just a chemical imbalance just like diabetes. Different than diabetes of course, but metaphorically similar.

I am grateful for the people who really do think i'm psychotic and don't enjoy being around me, because they make me stronger and shape me to be the person i am today.

I'm especially grateful for my dad who constantly checks up on me. He's there for every hospital visit, every time my heart has been broken, he's there every time i've made a mistake and he loves me unconditionally.

He didn't want me to post my blog on instagram, so dad i'm sorry for not listening to you but I really felt like i needed to.

I'm grateful for noah for being in the ER with me, and calling me in the hospital.

I'm grateful for writing to help express how i'm feeling.
I'm grateful for art for the same reason
I'm grateful for dance for the same reason
I'm grateful for coco chanel for showing me that you can create the biggest fashion empire in the world from a simple perfume.

simple = big

small steps = monumental leaps

i'm grateful that my parents named me chanelle.

i'm grateful for music, i never have peace and quiet, if i do it's odd and un-nerving.

i'm grateful for vacuum's. and for windex. I love cleaning mirrors and vacuuming.

I'm grateful for my comfy comfy bed (heart eyes right here)

I'm grateful that we can show our love by a gentle kiss, or hug. because it's a beautiful form of affection. and it says so much, without doing a lot.

I'm grateful that i can write hella on this blog and have no one get mad at me because that's what blogs are for.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

okay i'm done.

sorry you had to read all that

or maybe you didn't read all that

either way

have a perfectly lovely day

xoxox MUAH

coco chanelle

until next time

literal word vomit

I woke up this morning and ate 2 large bowls of cereal. One with pink milk, one without.

guess how early i woke up. 3:59 am. or close to that time anyway. I would say 4 but 3:59 is a more interesting number.

I'm so tired I can't move. However, its 8:04 so i can't go back to bed, or i would sleep all day. I mean, it wouldn't be a bad thing; it would just be highly unproductive. Which, i don't like.

I'll just drink some coffee when i'm feeling a little bit more energized.
and possibly go to sleep until noah comes home.
i'm not sure.

i splattered paint all over my shirt this morning though :) that was fun. I'll post a picture of it, when it's dry and i'm wearing it. It's actually really cute/cool/fun looking. i love it.

i want to take pictures today that sounds so fun
who's a photographer and wants to take pictures say 'I!'

ew my dad just walked in the room without a shirt.
nasty.
hairy and nasty.
ew.
ew.
ew.
ew.
ew.

BYE I CAN'T
please
oh good he went away

NOOOOO HE'S BACK NO PLEASE OH DEAR GOODNESS NO GOSH DAD JUST PUT A DANG SHIRT ON!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT!!! oh my gosh if you come out of your room one more time with that hairy stomach, and back of yours... i think i will cry.

hahahahaha i think i'm so funny. hahahahah. wtf chanelle. i don't even know (insert laughing emoji here) < how i feel right now. this is what hardly any sleep does to me. you see?

WHY I NEED TO BE ENERGIZED i don't want fake energy from coffee, i don't want to sleep forever. I just want energy. but, oh yeah, that's impossible. Duh, chanelle.

jk i knew that but i wish (crying)

help me
sos
sos
save me
please
im begging
no im not
but really
okay
i
should
stop
typing
but
i
cant
it's
addicting
ahahahahah
oops
yikes
oh
i
should
say
bye
but
i
don't
want
to
why
hi
lie
ky
fie
fry
my
guy
sigh
vy
ny
ay
why
bye
NO I SAID IT THAT MEANS I HAVE TO GO
ugh i kinda want to listen to music i guess i'll live
anyways until next time.

XOXO
coco chanelle LOVE YOU

MUAH

hugs and kisses

about me

favorite colors: blue, white, gold, instagram

my best friend is keb I don't know what I would do without her, she's my angel sent from heaven.
I'm not you're average painter but I love painting.
running is fun sometimes. I enjoy speed walking so much.
I feel peace when I'm listening to my favorite music and meditating.
My little sister darcie is also my best friend, her and my little sister lauren. they're like mini me's. I love it. I especially love it because I can do their hair all the time.
I love hard boiled eggs, coffee, acai bowls, pink milk, honey bunches of oats, sushi, raspberries, blueberries, yogurt, granola, guacamole. and many other favorites
oh also if you have a snapchat, snapchat me its chanellemiles

I'm very impulsive. I do things out of impulse, I have hardly any self control. but I'm getting better. I actually have a lot more than I used to have.

I love scary movies and I love cuddling and I love guys

chanelle + caffeine = fun

I want to be crazy and the world be okay with it. Solution: I can change myself, I can't change the world. I like being over the top eccentric. I don't care what people think about me, I'm going to be me. (well i care a little, but i try not to care)

I care what God thinks and what I think and if I'm living a good, healthy, active lifestyle. If i care about people, If I am kind, and happy. Not what i look like, how much food i eat a day, not if i act "normal" enough for a certain person. Because the only person you should care about is YOU. then you can become anyone and do anything, because there is no fear of others!


I think that others are just other people, they are no better or worse than me. Once you have that mindset, you stop judging. It kind of frees you from society. You don't judge the supermodels, the stay at home moms, the hardworking dads, the construction men, the tattooed teenagers. Whoever it is, you just see them as an equal individual who God loves.

Sorry i got all preachy there. It was just something that was really hard for me to overcome because i was so judgmental of everyone. What they wore, how they acted. But then i realized i didn't want others to judge me so why was i judging others?! It took months but I really can say that I don't judge anymore. It does wonders.

bipolar disorder 1

So this blog is mainly (if not all) about how i live with  bipolar schizoaffective disorder, adhd, and anxiety. It doesn't sound that bad to me, and it may not sound bad to you; or it may sound horrible to you. Either way it's how i live my life with medicine, and there have been times where i have gone off my medicine and wound up in the hospital because i thought a demon was inside my body possessing me.

Panic attacks can be a day to day thing. Manic episodes are normal. I can rarely focus. Thank the heavens i don't feel like i'm being controlled all the time (only if i go off of my medicine)

I was diagnosed March 2014 with Depression.May 2014 with bipolar disorder, then later February 2015 with anxiety, April 2015 with ADHD, and June 2015 with schizoaffective disorder.

It's been a rough journey, I've been out of touch with reality, thinking i was God twice. Then swinging back into depression, swinging back into mania. I have videos of hypomania and my mania. I'll upload them to my youtube and then place a link in the near future. If you don't know what being manic is <http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/mania> look no further!! this explains everything!

I decided to write this blog because i wanted to write a book. But i don't have the patience to do that and I think a blog would be a very positive alternative, if not a greater alternative to my first idea.

I love talking and that leads to expressing my emotions, and thus i love writing. I could write forever about how i feel or how i experienced something. It completes me to dance, write, and paint. (oh and also I'm in cosmetology school) so do hair!

I love you alllll
MUAH
xoxox hugs and kisses
until next time
coco chanelle

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/mania